Q: Where are you from?
I grew up in the old whaling city of New Bedford, Massachusetts but left home at 14. I struggled through school and moved to Los Angeles at 17 to pursue a singing career. At 23 I married and later moved to Europe, where my former husband is from. I returned to the Boston area in 1995, following the end of my marriage.
Q: What’s the biggest accomplishment you achieved on your own?
Raising my two amazing children. My daughter is 25 and works for a non-profit in the environmental sustainability field. My son is 23, and lives in Japan teaching English. He’ll be coming back next year to go to Harvard Law School and wants to work in the public sector. Both are incredibly loving, compassionate, and successful young adults, committed to doing good work in the world. As you can tell, I’m very proud of them!
Q: What inspired you to write your book, “Solemate?”
Because I had built my life, career, financial security, and emotional well-being on my husband and his life—I moved to his country, worked as a therapist in his business, and let him handle all our finances—my life, career, security, and self-esteem collapsed along with the marriage. After hitting bottom, I sold everything I owned to pay for flight tickets, and the children and I returned to the U.S. in 1995… Read the entire interview on SingleEdition.com.
Be enlightened! The I Can Do It! conference is about improving the quality of your life through self-empowerment in an inspiring and supportive environment. Register by September 1, 2009 to save $50 on a full conference pass!
A renowned coach, workshop facilitator, and keynote speaker, Lauren Mackler guides you through a process that, until now, has only been available through her coaching programs and Mastering the Art of Aloneness workshops. Through quizzes, exercises, and guided journaling, she helps you:
• Identify the limiting beliefs, fears, and behaviors that keep you from feeling whole and happy
• Learn to override these habitual patterns and manage your fears
• Uncover your authentic self
• Become the ideal partner you seek
• Create a life vision and action plan to help you achieve any goal you set for yourself
• Build inner and outer support systems that help you bring your vision to life
Lauren will help you shed the old beliefs and behaviors that limit your ability to live a healthy, happy, secure, and satisfying life!
Many people spend years waiting for a soul mate to make them complete. Others settle for unfulfilling relationships out of fear of being alone. Renowned coach, radio host, and bestselling author of “Solemate: Master the Art of Aloneness & Transform Your Life” Lauren Mackler will present her groundbreaking roadmap to help you achieve mastery of your own life, so you can experience a sense of wholeness and well-being on your own or in a relationship. Based upon Lauren’s “Solemate” book, this presentation is about treating yourself well, shedding your self-defeating patterns, and becoming the person you were born to be.
Honoring your truth can be challenging. Shame, fear of rejection, or of change are barriers to embracing who you really are, your life experiences, and the dreams to which you aspire. Join Lauren and guest Deborah King to learn keys to living authentically, and feeling at peace with your past.
Truth Heals: What You Hide Can Hurt You
by Deborah King
A fascinating read—a combination of juicy personal memoir, fun celebrity examples, and solid information that connects the dots between your emotions, health, and happiness. It answers the question, how can the truth change your life, and probes the powerful impact of the naked, unadulterated truth on the emotional and physical issues you encounter every day. Truth Heals shows you where the truth lies inside of you and how to access it; connect any physical problem you’re having to the energy behind it so it can be released; and give you an understanding of why it’s so important to acknowledge and address your hidden pain. It’s a quick, easy read, and packed with helpful tools to improve your life.
“Conditioning is the root of most people’s dysfunction. If you aren’t aware of what you are doing, how can you make a change to reconstruct how you live your life?” Lauren Mackler’s Solemate, an international bestseller on its second printing, serves as a guide for people looking to find the path by finding the soul mate in themselves. It is a book about mastering the art of aloneness and what beauty can be found in enjoying your own company and uniqueness.
Mackler’s personal journey paved the way for her to write her book. “I got married very young, and I thought of myself as a very independent person, career-oriented, and despite those perceptions, I replicated what my mom had done – I gave up my career and became a homemaker and a wife.”
The marriage fell apart. Mackler found herself divorced and living in a foreign country. “I got to the point of using my security deposit for the last month’s rent… Click here to read the entire article.
Fear is one of the biggest challenges people face in managing change and moving forward in their lives. If you’re living your life based on avoiding the things that you fear, you’re not free to take risks or pursue your dreams. If your energy is being expended in avoiding failure, rejection, physical harm, and emotional pain by avoiding the people, places, and situations that trigger your fears—then that energy is tied up in your vigilance to stay safe instead of in fulfilling your potential.
To override fear, you first have to understand it, as well as the fight-or-flight response that’s been with us from our earliest beginnings. Through evolution, we’re hard-wired to respond to fear with intensity. For our evolutionary precursors out in the wild, the fight-or-flight response was a valuable survival mechanism. It’s not as useful when triggered by modern-day fears. In addition to inducing changes in the autonomic nervous system, cortisol, known as the “stress hormone,” is released in higher quantities than normal in response to the stress invoked by fear. Cortisol helps the system react and return to its normal state once the threat has passed. However, chronic stress causes elevated levels of cortisol, which has many adverse effects, including impaired cognitive performance, suppressed thyroid function, blood-sugar imbalances, higher blood pressure, and increased abdominal fat. In addition, chronic stress can compromise your immune system, making you more susceptible to illness. Ultimately, living with chronic states of fear and stress is unhealthy for our bodies and for our spirits.
Most of our fears are not based on our current reality. They are the product of imagined fears conjured up in our minds—the product of our own fantasies. I refer to FEAR as “Fantasized Events As Real,” because that’s precisely the process that takes place. Of course, if you’re walking alone to your car in a dark parking lot at 2 A.M., you may have every reason to experience fear. That fear is going to propel you to your car, key at the ready, as fast you can move. However, the other kind of fear—the fear that has no basis in reality—is one of the biggest things that keeps people from pursuing the life they desire. Fear of meeting new people or trying something new. Fear of success and fear of failure. Fear of leaving a job you hate, getting out of a relationship that isn’t working, or moving to a new city. Fear of defying convention. Fear of change.
Fear rears its head when people attempt to move beyond their comfort zones. Each of us has a comfort zone—a set of boundaries within which we live. These are the situations and circumstances that we know, that give us a sense of security because they represent what’s familiar. Staying within your comfort zone doesn’t necessarily mean you’re happy there. It’s just what you’re used to. Your willingness to expand your comfort zone allows you greater experiences and freedom. To move outside your comfort zone, you have to be able to manage fear. Below are four steps you can take to move beyond the shackles of fear, and create the life experiences and circumstances to which you aspire.
• Identify the “gloom and doom” movie you’re running in your mind. Ask yourself, what am I imagining will happen?
• Do a reality check. Figure out if your fears have any real basis in fact. Be as methodical as you need to be.
• Replace the gloom and doom movie with one that supports your goals—focus on the movie of the future state you want to achieve.
© 2009 Lauren Mackler all rights reserved
Are you run by behaviors that sabotage your health, career, or relationships? Join Lauren for Part 3 of her three-part series on The Conditioned Self to learn how to free yourself from the self-defeating behaviors that keep you from creating the life, career, or relationships you seek.
Tune in to Life Keys on Thursday @ 1pm (EST)
Call us toll-free in the US and Canada by dialing 866-254-1579. International callers can dial the country code then 760-918-4300.
Do you feel unhappy because something is missing from your life? Perhaps you wish for a mate or more money? Dr. Nancy O’Reilly interviews Lauren Mackler on Web Talk Radio: Timeless Women Speak.
There are no legal requirements for becoming a life, career, or executive coach, so it’s important to interview potential coaches about their qualifications. Inquire about their training, how long they’ve been in practice, their client results, and people you can contact who have used their services. Do your due diligence to ensure they have the qualifications to provide the services you need. Below is an overview of the qualities and expertise of a good coach, which you can use when interviewing potential coaches.
Effective methodology and processes. Ad-hoc and unstructured coaching are less effective than a structured program. Ask about their coaching method and processes, their strategies for helping clients clarify and achieve their goals, how much time it requires, and what their fees and payment policies are.
Expertise in psychology and human behavior. Personal-development work, life and career transitions, or meeting professional demands can take you to the edge of your comfort zone, triggering fears of failure, insecurity, or habitual, self-sabotaging behaviors. Life, career, and executive coaches with a background in psychology have the leading edge, as they can help you address your fears and self-defeating patterns at the root level, and change limiting patterns that can sabotage your success.
A supportive and comfortable environment. A good coach is compassionate, establishes trust, maintains confidentiality, and creates an environment in which you feel supported. Whether you’re doing phone or in-person coaching, notice how comfortable you are, and whether the person feels like someone you can trust.
Exceptional problem-solving, goal setting, and organizational skills. The bigger the coach’s “tool kit”, the better able they’ll be to facilitate effective coaching sessions. Ask how they go about problem-solving and goal-setting, and notice how organized they appear to be. The more organized they are, the more ground you can cover in each session.
Fosters client accountability. Continuity, self-discipline, and follow through are critical factors for success—things that many people find difficult to develop or maintain. Find out what methods they use to help clients stay motivated, and how they get clients who’ve become discouraged or unfocused back on track.
In addition to the qualities and expertise listed above, below are added skills and expertise for specific types of coaching.
Proven experience in the career transition field. This is a must-have for people making a career change or searching for a new job. Ask career coaches about their methodology for identifying a job or career that’s the best fit, and about their expertise in job sourcing, resumes and cover letters, self-marketing strategies, networking, interviewing, and salary negotiation.
Entrepreneurial and business planning skills: This is critical if you’re considering starting your own business. Find a career coach with a successful track record not only in helping clients identify a new business idea, but also in turning that idea into a business.
A resourceful, innovative, and strategic thinker: To stand out from the competition, you have to think and do things differently than everyone else. Ask prospective career coaches for specific examples of strategies they’ve developed to help clients differentiate themselves, and how those strategies have helped clients achieve their desired results.
Client Confidentiality: If your company is hiring an executive coach to work with you, ask how confidentiality issues will be handled. The more authentic you are the better results you’ll achieve in your coaching work. However, you need to feel confident that the coach can effectively balance honoring your confidentiality with meeting your company’s expectations for coaching results.
Business and Leadership Expertise: In addition to strategic business and leadership expertise, the best executive coaches have real-world corporate experience, giving them a deeper understanding of the complex challenges and demands of the executive role.
Expertise in psychology and human behavior: While it’s an added plus to find a career or executive coach with a background in psychology, it’s a must-have for life coaching. Without an in-depth understanding of what drives human behavior—and how to change self-defeating patterns that are often rooted in the subconscious—it’s very difficult to help clients achieve transformational and lasting change.
© 2009 Lauren Mackler all rights reserved
Life, career, and relationship coach Lauren Mackler is the author of the international bestseller, Solemate: Master the Art of Aloneness & Transform Your Life and host of the weekly Life Keys radio show on www.hayhouseradio.com. She is the creator of Illumineering™, a groundbreaking method integrating family systems work, psychodynamic psychology, and coaching to help people free themselves from the shackles of their life conditioning, and create the personal lives, careers, and relationships to which they aspire. Visit Lauren’s website at www.laurenmackler.com.