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The Psychology of Success

Posted by Lauren - 05/02/11 at 09:05:17 am

Lauren Mackler’s Interview with Doug Tribou for NPR

NPR: How do you define success and what do you tell clients trying to define success in their own lives?

LM: Success is subjective so it’s defined and experienced by people in different ways. It might be a certain amount of money or prestige, a large circle of friends, or a fulfilling personal life or career. I define success as being able to activate your strengths to produce the results you want to achieve.

NPR: What kind of advice would you give to someone near the top of his or her profession, but who can’t quite achieve that ultimate goal?

LM: Over the 20 some years I’ve spent coaching many types of clients, I’ve found that the two biggest barriers that hold people back are what I call their core limiting beliefs and habitual behaviors. When we’re born, we’re whole, integrated human beings with tremendous potential. In response to our life conditioning, we adopt thought and behavior patterns that often diminish our strengths and potential as adults.

For example, someone may be a gifted athlete, but a life-long, ingrained belief that he’s never quite good enough can keep him from reaching the top of his game. He’ll be distracted by a fear of failing, which then creates stress and makes it difficult to stay focused on his goals. To override those barriers, you have to become aware of how you think and behave on autopilot, and start aligning your thoughts and behaviors with the results you’re trying to achieve.        

NPR: How do repeated “close-calls” with success impact the people falling short time and again?

LM: It depends on the type of person. The people who ultimately reach their goals are those who don’t give up. Instead of wallowing in self-pity or frustration—or throwing in the towel altogether—they explore what didn’t work and course-correct. It is human nature to feel upset or frustrated when we fall short, but the path to success more often than not involves making mistakes along the way and learning from them. If someone feels like they’ve failed, I encourage them to reframe the situation as an opportunity to learn about what doesn’t produce the outcome they want. Instead of giving up, brainstorm what might be a more effective approach and then implement the new strategy. To view Lauren’s “Critical Factors of Success” video, click here.

WANT TO USE THIS INTERVIEW IN YOUR E-ZINE, BLOG, OR WEB SITE? You can, as long as you include this complete statement at the end of the article:

Lauren Mackler is a world-renowned coach, host of the LIFE KEYS radio show, and author of the international bestseller, Solemate: Master the Art of Aloneness & Transform Your Life. www.laurenmackler.com

Are You Being Bullied?

Posted by Lauren - 03/28/11 at 06:03:40 am

Are you or someone you know being bullied?

President Obama recently held a White House conference to discuss ways to prevent bullying in school. But bullying is a problem not just among young people. Workplace bullying can involve threats, baseless criticism, discrimination and favoring some employees unfairly over others. Life and executive coach, bestselling author, and CNN commentator, Lauren Mackler, offers tips for how to respond to a bully on Voice of America. To listen, click here.

Managing Up

Posted by Lauren - 06/06/10 at 12:06:59 pm

There are many seminars, books, and articles about how to be an effective leader. But what is often missing from these resources is how to strategically shape and manage relationships with superiors. As a result, many people harbor feelings of stress, overwhelm, frustration, or resentment toward their boss, but keep them hidden for fear of reprisal. Over time, their motivation and performance diminish, putting their job at risk.

Below are some practical strategies for building a mutually productive and respectful relationship with your boss, managing expectations and workloads, and positioning yourself as an exceptional leader within your organization.

Understand your boss’s work style and preferences. Is your boss formal or informal? Does he like to be briefed in writing before meetings or prefer to brainstorm issues with you? Is your supervisor a hands-on manager who likes to be consulted about issues as they arise, or will regular and informal updates make your boss think you aren’t taking the lead in performing your managerial role? While you might think your manager would be pleased that you keep her in the loop, his work style may value a manager who acts more autonomously. Pay attention to the differences in your work style and your boss’s style. Where possible, make adjustments to be consistent in style, eliminating unnecessary annoyances that can build into real miscommunications.

Know what matters to your boss. If your boss is a numbers person, quantify your results. And know which numbers matter most to her. If your boss is a customer-is-first kind of person, frame all your results in terms of benefits to customers.

Communicate like your boss. If your boss likes daily e-mails, send them. If your boss wants a once-a-week summary, then do that. Convey information to your boss in the way she likes, so she’s more likely to retain it. Be aware of detail preferences. Some people like a lot and some people like less. A good way to figure out what your boss wants is to watch how she communicates with you. She’s probably doing it the way she likes best.

Plan and organize your meetings to optimize your time together. Keep a running list of follow up and action items to discuss with your boss.

Learn to say no. Say yes to the things that matter most to your boss. So when he asks you to do something that you don’t have time to do, ask your boss about his priorities. Let him know that you want to make sure you finish what is most important, and this will probably mean saying no to the lesser projects.

Toot your own horn. Each time you do something that impacts the company, let your boss know. Leave a voicemail announcing a project has been completed. Send a congratulation e-mail to your team and copy your boss, which not only draws attention to your project success, but also to your leadership skills. Send a monthly overview of your completions and accomplishments, retaining an electronic file to use for performance review time.

Build a relationship with your boss. If all things are equal, your boss will cater to the person she likes the best. So go out to lunch and talk about what interests her. Connect with her by asking her for advice on something about work. If you are very different than your boss, work hard to find common ground in your conversations.

Seek new responsibilities. Find important holes in your department before your boss notices them. Take responsibility for filling those holes and your boss will appreciate not only your foresight, but also your ability to take initiative.

Be curious. Remember to make time to listen and ask good questions. You will make yourself more interesting to be around, and you will elicit fresh ideas from everyone around you. Your boss will feel like having you on the team improves everyone’s work, even his own, and that, after all, is your primary job in managing up.

WANT TO USE THIS ARTICLE IN YOUR E-ZINE, BLOG, OR WEB SITE? You can, as long as you include this complete statement at the end of the article:

© 2010 Lauren Mackler

Lauren Mackler is a coach, keynote speaker, and training facilitator. She’s the author of the international bestseller, Solemate, and co-author of Speaking of Success with Jack Canfield and Stephen Covey. For info about her coaching services or training programs, contact her through her web site at www.laurenmackler.com.

Lauren’s New TV Channel on YouTube!

Posted by Lauren - 05/09/10 at 12:05:57 pm

The new Lauren Mackler TV Channel is now live on YouTube! To subscribe for free, click here.

Lauren Mackler – Living an Extraordinary Life

Posted by Lauren - 04/25/10 at 01:04:40 pm

In this inspiring keynote presentation, Living an Extraordinary Life, renowned coach, radio show host, and bestselling author of Solemate: Master the Art of Aloneness & Transform Your Life, Lauren Mackler, talks about the hidden factors that keep a lid on your potential, and practical tools for liberating your innate potential and becoming the person you were born to be. www.laurenmackler.com

Lauren’s Harvard Interview: Coaching

Posted by Lauren - 04/25/10 at 09:04:08 am

Bestselling author, renowned coach, and keynote speaker, Lauren Mackler, is interviewed by Harvard Business School about managerial coaching. Lauren Mackler is one of the foremost visionaries in the personal and professional development field today. She has risen to international prominence as the creator of Illumineering, a groundbreaking coaching method that helps people break free of their self-defeating patterns and achieve the results to which they aspire. Lauren is the author of the international bestseller, Solemate: Master the Art of Aloneness & Transform Your Life, fellow author of Speaking of Success with Jack Canfield, Stephen Covey, and Ken Blanchard, and host of the Life Keys radio show on Hay House Radio. Over the past 25 years, she has been a psychotherapist, corporate executive, Big Four consultant, and a leading authority in personal transformation, leadership, and professional performance. In 2001, she founded Lauren Mackler & Associates, integrating her diverse expertise to provide individual coaching, professional trainings, and keynote presentations that ignite people’s greatest potential. As a leading expert, Lauren is frequently interviewed by the media, a partial list of which includes CNN, FOX, The Wall Street Journal, London’s Daily Mail, NPR, Money Magazine, The Boston Globe, and Boston Business Journal. www.laurenmackler.com

Lauren’s Harvard Interview: Managing Up

Posted by Lauren - 04/25/10 at 09:04:42 am

Bestselling author, renowned coach, and keynote speaker, Lauren Mackler, is interviewed by Harvard Business School about managing up. Lauren Mackler is one of the foremost visionaries in the personal and professional development field today. She has risen to international prominence as the creator of Illumineering, a groundbreaking coaching method that helps people break free of their self-defeating patterns and achieve the results to which they aspire. Lauren is the author of the international bestseller, Solemate: Master the Art of Aloneness & Transform Your Life, fellow author of Speaking of Success with Jack Canfield, Stephen Covey, and Ken Blanchard, and host of the Life Keys radio show on Hay House Radio. Over the past 25 years, she has been a psychotherapist, corporate executive, Big Four consultant, and a leading authority in personal transformation, leadership, and professional performance. In 2001, she founded Lauren Mackler & Associates, integrating her diverse expertise to provide individual coaching, professional trainings, and keynote presentations that ignite people’s greatest potential. As a leading expert, Lauren is frequently interviewed by the media, a partial list of which includes CNN, FOX, The Wall Street Journal, London’s Daily Mail, NPR, Money Magazine, The Boston Globe, and Boston Business Journal. www.laurenmackler.com

Lauren’s Harvard Interview: Difficult Conversations

Posted by Lauren - 04/25/10 at 09:04:56 am

Bestselling author, renowned coach, and keynote speaker, Lauren Mackler, is interviewed by Harvard Business School about how to handle difficult conversations and improve your communication style. Lauren Mackler is one of the foremost visionaries in the personal and professional development field today. She has risen to international prominence as the creator of Illumineering, a groundbreaking coaching method that helps people break free of their self-defeating patterns and achieve the results to which they aspire. Lauren is the author of the international bestseller, Solemate: Master the Art of Aloneness & Transform Your Life, fellow author of Speaking of Success with Jack Canfield, Stephen Covey, and Ken Blanchard, and host of the Life Keys radio show on Hay House Radio. Over the past 25 years, she has been a psychotherapist, corporate executive, Big Four consultant, and a leading authority in personal transformation, leadership, and professional performance. In 2001, she founded Lauren Mackler & Associates, integrating her diverse expertise to provide individual coaching, professional trainings, and keynote presentations that ignite people’s greatest potential. As a leading expert, Lauren is frequently interviewed by the media, a partial list of which includes CNN, FOX, The Wall Street Journal, London’s Daily Mail, NPR, Marie Claire, Ladies Home Journal, Parade, and The Boston Globe. www.laurenmackler.com.

The Three Levels of Creation

Posted by Lauren - 04/07/10 at 11:04:39 am

You create nearly all of your life experiences—although you may be unaware of the role you play in their creation. There are three ways we generate our experiences: creating, promoting, and allowing. I first heard this concept at an Insight workshop in 1982, and it’s a valuable tool for recognizing the role you play in creating your life. By looking at events through this lens, you can see how your actions influence them.

Here’s an example. You’re going to a ball game with a friend, and you’re both standing in line to get your tickets. A teenager cuts in front of you and it turns into a confrontation. Below are behaviors that depict the three types of creation.

Creating. You say something hostile to the teenager. “Hey, kid, this is a line. Step to the back.” And his father, who was holding his place, screams at you: “Hey, shut up!” It escalates into a fight and you get hurt. You initiated that situation through your words—you created the situation.

Promoting. Your friend, who’s in line with you, is the one who says, “Hey, kid, get in back.” The boy’s father screams at your friend: “Shut up, you idiot!” Your friend threatens to punch him and you say to your friend, “Yeah, smack him!” It turns into a fight and your friend gets hurt. You promoted that situation by encouraging your friend to attack the other person, thereby helping to create it.

Allowing. Another bystander steps up to the teenager, pushes him out of line and says, “Hey, kid, you broke into this line.” A scuffle ensues and the teenager gets hurt. You stand by and take no action to stop it. By doing nothing, you’re allowing that situation to unfold.

Take any situation in which you felt victimized. If you look carefully at the situation, most of the time you’ll find it relates to something you did or said—or failed to say or do. Your actions created the situation, promoted it, or allowed it. These three levels of creation are effective tools for understanding your past, and recognizing how the law of cause and effect plays a major role in your life.

To see the role you played in a situation, ask yourself: What did I do to create the situation, to promote it, or to allow it? Once you start looking at the world this way, you’ll get a clearer picture of the role you play in every situation of your life. As events unfold, be aware of your actions. With everything you do, ask yourself: What is this the result I want to achieve? One note: As you go through this self-evaluation process, don’t beat yourself up for situations you’ve created, promoted, or allowed. Remember, we’re all doing the best we can at any given moment. By understanding your actions and taking greater responsibility for your behavior, you’ll begin to see that you are, indeed, the creator of your own life.

© 2010 Lauren Mackler
WANT TO USE THIS ARTICLE IN YOUR E-ZINE, BLOG, OR WEB SITE?

You can, as long as you include this complete statement at the end of the article:

© 2010 Lauren Mackler

Lauren Mackler is a coach, psychotherapist, and host of the Life Keys radio show on hayhouseradio.com. She’s the author of the international bestseller, Solemate: Master the Art of Aloneness & Transform Your Life. Sign up for her Live Boldly newsletter at www.laurenmackler.com.

Lauren’s Wisdoms: Critical Success Factors

Posted by Lauren - 03/01/10 at 11:03:21 am

Lauren’s One-Minute Wisdom on the Critical Factors of Success.

Click here to listen.

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