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Women’s attraction may lie in immune system DNA

Posted by Lauren - 02/24/10 at 10:02:34 am

Read this article,  Women’s attraction may lie in immune sytem DNA on m24Salud.

Researchers from the University of Western Australia made a DNA study with 150 college students and they found that ‘the secrets of attraction are hidden in immune system genes that we inherit from our parents’.

Scientists can not ensure ‘why the strength of the immune system influences the women success in relationships’.

Furthermore they said that neither can fully explain “the relationship between the sweat, and the irresistible genes, but there is a clear possibility that there are clues in the genetic constitution of the women immune system’.

The more varied a woman’s histocompatibility, or MHC, genes are, the more attractive she appears to the opposite sex.

Another theory is that women with varied MHC genes could be more outgoing.

“It is possible that MHC-diverse women have more sexual partners because they actively seek more partners, rather than because males prefer diverse partners,” wrote the researchers.

Relationship expert Lauren Mackler says parents may affect how successful a woman is at finding a boyfriend – but not necessarily because of genetics.

“We are invariably attracted to people based on how familiar that person is to us from childhood,” says Mackler, author of “SoleMate: Master the Art of Aloneness & Transform Your Life.”

“As human beings, we are always seeking homeostasis, or balance, and looking for the parts of us that got lost as we grew up and had to adapt to the family system. So we’re attracted unconsciously to the people who embody these traits. We are looking for our other half and may not always find him.”

Becoming the Partner You Seek: Interview with Lauren on HealYourLife.com

Posted by Lauren - 02/24/10 at 08:02:00 am

Lauren Mackler, bestselling author of Solemate: Master the Art of Aloneness & Transform Your Life, renowned coach, and relationship expert, talks about mastering the art of aloneness and becoming the partner you seek. Lauren has risen to international prominence as the creator of Illumineering, a groundbreaking coaching method that integrates family systems work, psychodynamic psychology, and coaching to help people free themselves from the shackles of their life conditioning, and create the personal and professional lives to which they aspire.

Treatment for sex addiction no guarantee of saving Tiger Woods & Elin Nordegren’s marriage on New York Daily News

Posted by Lauren - 02/23/10 at 12:02:20 pm

Read this article by Rosemary Black on New York Daily News.

Overcoming sex addiction is frequently a long, painful struggle that can detour into relapse and not infrequently end with the implosion of a marriage, experts say.

In Tiger Woods’ case, the fact that he has signed in to intensive inpatient therapy means he’s committed to getting better, but the healing process won’t be anywhere close to finished by the time he leaves the Mississippi facility where he’s reportedly staying.

Inpatient sex addiction rehab, says Leslie Seppinni, Ph. D., is often an intense several weeks or months during which the person tries to learn alternative strategies for dealing with stress through therapy and journaling.

“It can be incredibly helpful and life-changing,” Seppinni says. “When you are dealing with the fallout from your behavior, intensive inpatient therapy can help you get the coaching strategies you need so you can go back into the world, having gotten to the core of some of your emotional problems.”

Outpatient treatment is still needed, she says, and relapse is common.

“There is a high percentage of people who relapse,” Seppinni says. “Every once in a while, the addiction rears its ugly head again. People expect some relapse.”

Some experts question whether sex addiction is even a real disorder, and it may not be listed in the fifth edition of the American Psychiatric Association’s widely-used Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders.

Sex addiction is real, but Tiger Woods doesn’t have it, according to Danine Manette, author of “Ultimate Betrayal: Recognizing, Uncovering and Dealing with Infidelity.”

“Tiger Woods is no different from Alex Rodriguez, Tom Brady or any other professional rich man who surrounds himself with unlimited women,” she says. “It’s horrible because he’s married and is now violating the commitment that he made to his wife. But it’s not sex addiction.”

True sex addicts experience personality changes, are unable to function in the outside world and may substitute pornography for contact with real people, she says. Intensive inpatient therapy may be appropriate for them, Manette says.

“But people like Tiger Woods go into treatment because they believe that if they show they are working on something, people will be willing to reinvest in them,” she says. “The reality is that Tiger has no self control.”

Still, proponents of sex addiction therapy say it can work – if it targets the person’s underlying issues and doesn’t focus on the addiction as a sickness that was present all along.

An addict always seeks relief from emotional pain, explains relationship expert Lauren Mackler, and if the treatment plan doesn’t include ways for the client to cope with that pain, it will be ineffective.

One of Mackler’s clients had been a sex addict for 11 years, she said, and had bought into the idea that “he was what he was,” she says. He felt that the best way he could manage his addiction was to have online sex rather than an actual sexual relationship, and had tried one therapy group after another.

He had not ever tried dealing with his emotional burden, which included a critical and demanding father, Mackler said. When he was able to work through childhood issues, that helped with his sexual issues.

Treatment for sex addiction, Mackler says, is usually sought by a person only when he is caught.

Click here to read more.

Valentine’s Day, Not Just for Romance Anymore: Girls Night Ideas for February 14

Posted by Lauren - 02/10/10 at 09:02:53 am

Read this article on Examiner.com by Jordan Salvatoriello

Ahh, Valentine’s Day. It can be the bee’s knees for star-crossed sweethearts, a qualmy conundrum for the newly twitterpated, or a day of dread for the singleton Scrooge. But, be careful Miss Lonely Heart, stare long enough into that abyss and the abyss stares back at you (xoxo, Nietzsche). So trash your “anti” Valentine’s Day notions, and let Hallmark know who’s boss by seizing the holiday and making it your own. After all, there is plenty of love in your life, no? Buy your own damn box of chocolates, gather your team around you, and celebrate the annual day of love with those that have given so much of it to you.  Here are some ideas and local events to consider, so start planning now!

• Host a “self-celebration” Valentine’s Day potluck: Forgo the pity party, and celebrate yourself instead. Potlucks are easy to organize and a great way to unify a group of friends over a communal experience. “Ask each guest to bring their own favorite food dish and a wrapped gift to give to themselves,” said Lauren Mackler, author of Solemate: Master the Art of Aloneness & Transform Your Life. Go on. Be good… Click here to read the entire article.

Lauren’s Interview on QualityHealth.com

Posted by Lauren - 02/05/10 at 10:02:36 am

Read this article on QualityHealth.com.

Trouble Pleasing Your Partner?
By Rosemary Black

It’s an all-too-common scenario: A spouse feels overworked, underappreciated and overwhelmed with a job, household and kids to care for. Resentment and exhaustion take their toll, and she feels less and less like having sex. With a busy life, there just isn’t time for everything, let alone having an all night lovefest.

The problem can snowball into a relationship-wrecking issue. “The wife feels bad about herself,” says Lauren Mackler, psychotherapist and the author of Solemate: Master the Art of Aloneness & Transform Your Life. “The man feels that he is not appreciated for what he is doing, and he just gets flack if he comes home too late or works too many hours. He feels… Click here to read entire article.

Lauren’s Interview on Philadelphia Daily News

Posted by Lauren - 02/05/10 at 08:02:29 am

Read this article on Philadelphia Daily News.

When not to go down the aisle
By Jenice Armstrong

ELIZABETH and John Edwards are splitsville, while former aide Andrew Young and his wife are out promoting their new book about their dealings with the former presidential candidate.

Tiger Woods’ wife, Elin Nordegren, may not be completely finished with her scandal-scarred marriage, despite all of Woods’ philandering.

I tell myself not to feel silly way too much about this madness because there are things you can learn about life just by watching the foibles of the rich and famous.

Here’s an example of a lesson snatched straight from the pages of Jenny Sanford’s don’t-let-this-happen-to-you handbook: When your instinct warns you that you’re about to make a serious mistake in terms of your choice of a romantic partner, run. (It should be common sense, but judging from the divorce rate, it’s not.)

The soon-to-be-ex-wife of South Carolina Gov. Mark Sanford got an early warning of how rocky her marriage was going to be when her soon-to-be-hubby balked over promising to be faithful during his wedding vows. That should have been clue No. 1, and Jenny Sanford should have stopped him right in his cheater-cheater tracks. But apparently she’d gotten herself all wrapped up in a white-tulle fantasy of walking down the aisle and married him anyway, making a “leap of faith” as she called it.

“It bothered me to some extent, but . . . we were very young, we were in love. I questioned it, but I got past it . . . along with other doubts that I had,” Sanford told Barbara Walters in a “20/20″ interview that airs Friday.

As you can attest, if you’ve ever sat through a wedding ceremony skeptical of the couple’s long-term prospects, Jenny Sanford’s blinders-on, “maybe-he’ll-change-after-we’re-married” response is typical. Once some people are altar-bound, get in their way and they’ll plow you over faster than you can say, “I’m only looking out for what’s best for you.”

“Very often, what people do is they tell themselves a story and they believe what they want to believe,” pointed out Lauren Mackler, author of “Solemate: Master the Art of Aloneness & Transform Your Life.”

“They doubt themselves and then they start telling themselves, ‘I’ll change him.’ Or they say, ‘Once we’re married, I’ll have him. I’ve just got to get that ring on my finger… Click here to read the entire article.

Why Women Stay with Cheaters

Posted by Lauren - 02/05/10 at 08:02:06 am

Read this article on LifeScript.com.

Why Women Stay with Cheaters
By Norine Dworkin-McDaniel

Stand by your cheating man or kick him to the curb? It’s not a decision any woman wants to make, but that many have after their philandering mates were caught. This Lifescript exclusive digs deep to discover why so many wives choose to stick it out. Plus, will your guy cheat? Rate the risk…

They all do it: celebrities, politicians, even the hubby next door.

Sure, the names of the cheaters change: Think John Edwards, Kobe Bryant, Mark Sanford, Bill Clinton, John Ensign.

But the story’s the same: Husband cheats, gets caught. Wife grimaces, then bears it.

In fact, up to 75% of couples rocked by an affair stay together, according to research by Peggy Vaughan, author of Preventing Affairs: You Can Have a Monogamous Marriage, But Not by Just Assuming You’re Immune (Dialog Press). That so many wronged spouses managed to turn the other cheek is admirable to some. But you can’t help wondering: Why didn’t they push their wandering mates out the door?

Lifescript talked to women and experts to find out why beleaguered wives choose to stand by their men. Here’s what they told us… Click here to read the entire article.

7 Signs You’re Headed for Divorce

Posted by Lauren - 01/19/10 at 12:01:53 pm

Although being paranoid about your relationship with your husband is probably not a good thing, if the signs are there and you confront them, there’s a chance you might be able to save your marriage before it’s too late. So what are the signs? Read this article on SheKnows.com. They turned to experts to uncover what you should watch out for. These are the signs you might be headed for divorce.

Click here to read the entire article.

How to save your marriage

Posted by Lauren - 01/06/10 at 12:01:33 pm

If you want your marriage to survive, effort is required on both sides. Not sure where to start? Read this article on SheKnows.com. Five relationship gurus provide five must-know tips on how to save a failing marriage.

Click here to read the article.

Interview with Lauren Mackler by Hay House

Posted by Lauren - 12/18/09 at 09:12:25 am

1. There are a multitude of self-help books that address many of the same topics as Solemate. These include books for singles, and books about how to overcome fear, live a more fulfilling life, and build self-esteem. What makes Solemate different from the rest?

Many self-help books targeted to singles are “how to” books for snaring the perfect mate. They reinforce the myth that happiness is found by searching outside yourself—instead of within yourself. Other self-help books focus on overcoming low self-esteem, fear, and loneliness, but fail to address their root causes—the limiting beliefs and behaviors we learn in childhood that drive our adults lives. And, while there are a few books that espouse the message that aloneness can be a positive experience, they don’t offer a clear roadmap for how to make it a reality.

Drawing from my own experiences and those of my clients, as well as the fields of psychology, physiology, sociology, holistic healing, and strategic business practices, I’ve developed a unique program that helps people move beyond the limitations that spring from their early conditioning and begin to live in alignment with what I call the “authentic self”—the person they were born to be. And, unlike other personal development books that are purely theoretical, Solemate includes quizzes, exercises, and guided journaling that help readers understand where their self-defeating patterns come from … Click here to read more.

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