Boston Singles Connections was founded by Lauren Mackler, a world-renowned life, career, and relationship coach, CNN commentator, author of the international bestseller, Solemate: Master the Art of Aloneness & Transform Your Life, and co-author of Speaking of Success with Jack Canfield and Stephen Covey.

Lauren created the group to provide single men and women 30′s-60′s in the Boston region opportunities to connect with other singles through a variety of social, cultural, and learning events. Instead of wasting hours on internet dating sites or sitting at home just waiting for life to happen, Boston Singles Connection is a resource to actively participate in your life, expand your interests, and make new personal and professional connections that can enrich your life!

It’s free to join but some events (theater, films, lectures, workshops, etc.) require an attendance fee.

Activities include a variety of events. There is a weekly Thursday meetup from 5pm-8:30pm for drinks and hors d’oeuvres in an upscale Chestnut Hill restaurant bar. Other meetups include Sunday cafés and brunches, MFA and other museum events, live music, theater, films, lectures, dinners, workshops, art galleries, travel, and other types of events.

It’s free to join, so if you’re single, live in the greater Boston area, and are ready to expand your social connections, click here to check it out!

Stress is an emotional and physical reaction caused by our responses to life challenges. There is no universally accepted definition of stress and each person reacts differently, based on their innate personality traits, early conditioning, and life experiences. What is overwhelming for one person may be exciting to another, while that same situation may have little impact on someone else.

In small amounts, stress can be a positive impetus. It can inspire productivity and motivate you to complete your goals. But chronic stress can have many adverse effects, including irritability, depression, headaches, gastrointestinal problems, sexual dysfunction, substance abuse, depletion of the immune system, and even life-threatening illness.

The best antidote to stress is resilience. Resilience means having the ability to respond to change or adversity proactively and resourcefully. It involves a process of consciously drawing on the beliefs, behaviors, and skills that can help you respond to challenges effectively, and move beyond them as a stronger person.

Findings from the Kauai Longitudinal Study showed that resilient people did not passively react to negative life circumstances, but proactively took action to achieve positive outcomes. Instead of staying stuck in feelings of anger, fear, or anxiety, step back and ask yourself, “What reaction am I having, how do I want to respond, and what outcomes do I want?” Next, brainstorm possible courses of action, determine those most likely to produce desired outcomes, prioritize your action steps, then move into action.   

Below are some additional tips to develop greater resilience and to help you manage stress. 
 
Reframe change from a threat to a natural part of life. Instead of resisting change, embrace it as a natural progression of life. Every time you find yourself holding on to what was, say to yourself, “I release the past, cooperate fully with today, and enthusiastically embrace tomorrow.” The foundation of resilience is accepting change as an inevitable part of life. Fighting it not only produces frustration, but it keeps you from taking action and moving forward. 

Identify the opportunities inherent in the challenge. There is much truth in the old adage of what does not kill us makes us stronger. To help you turn a stressor into an opportunity, write down the specific situation causing you to feel stressed. For example, “I’m worried I’m going to lose my job.” Next, write down how you can turn your concern into an opportunity. For example, you could get your resume updated and start networking to find that fulfilling job you’ve been dreaming about for the last two years.        

Develop greater awareness and self-mastery. The more awareness and self-mastery you have, the greater your resilience. Personal development has many benefits, one of which is gaining greater clarity about your reactive patterns and how they may be negatively impacting your life. Finding good resources to change habitual, limiting patterns will not only transform your life, but it will provide you with effective life skills to draw upon in difficult times.

Build a strong inner support system. Despite the deluge of information about the link between diet and health, most people don’t actively embrace that they are what they eat. Your body runs on fuel in the form of food, and if the fuel you put in your body is not healthy, you can’t expect your body to produce optimal wellness. A diet low in nutrients can deplete your reserves of vitamins and minerals, making it even more difficult to manage stress. Reduce or eliminate caffeine, sugar, and alcohol, and replace fatty meats and processed foods with fresh fruit, vegetables, whole grains, lean meat and fish, nuts, seeds, and legumes. 

Change is part of the human condition and no one is exempt from emotional pain and adversity. Developing resilience is a critical key to not only accepting and meeting a life challenge head on, but being able to get to the other side of it with greater wisdom and strength.

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© 2012 Lauren Mackler

Lauren Mackler is a world-renowned coach and author of the international bestseller Solemate: Master the Art of Aloneness & Transform Your Life. Sign up for her free Live Boldly e-newsletter at www.laurenmackler.com.

World-renowned coach and bestselling author of Solemate: Master the Art of Aloneness & Transform Your Life, Lauren Mackler, presents LIVING FEARLESSLY in Cambridge 1/21/12 from 10am-11:30am. For info and registration, click here.

“I continually make promises to myself, but I never follow through.”

Sound familiar?

Transforming self-defeating patterns into self-supporting behaviors that stick is one of the hardest things to do. Change is hard and we all slip up.  The key is to getting yourself back on-course when you do.

When you find yourself falling back into old, limiting patterns, think of it as a process of course-correcting. Welcome the challenge—it means that you’re taking charge of your life. Don’t judge yourself. Instead, treat yourself with compassion.

Below are some common pitfalls to personal transformation and some ways to override them:

Feeling overwhelmed. Most likely, if you start to feel overwhelmed, it’s because you’re trying to make too many changes all at once. The best way to deal with this is to step back and look at your personal development goals. If you’re taking on too much, it’s time to reprioritize. Maybe you need to focus on one or two things instead of three. Or maybe one of your goals requires a lot of effort, so it’s taking up all your energy. Identify the things that are most important to you right now in your life. If you need to, just focus on one goal at a time and don’t move on to the next one until the first one is achieved.

Feeling discouraged. This often happens when you’re listening to the inner critic—the inner voice that says: “You’ll never make it.” “It’s hopeless.” “This is too hard.” “You’re not moving fast enough.” Whatever that voice is saying, you need to articulate a response, drawing from the part of you that longs for change and feels optimistic. Review your past accomplishments; remind yourself of what you’re capable of doing and being. Instead of focusing on and feeding the old voice that drags you down, actively support the part of you that believes in you and your ability to create the life you want.

Falling back into old patterns. There are two ways to address this issue. First, be aware that you’re more likely to slip up when you’re trying to achieve change all by yourself. It may be that you don’t have an outer support system to help you maintain your focus and discipline and to give you the kind of outside encouragement everyone needs. Outer supports might include a trusted friend or family member, a coach or therapist, or a supportive group. To have a strong outer support system, you have to actively build and sustain it. That involves reaching out to people instead of keeping yourself isolated. Second, if you’re falling back into old patterns, avoid situations that trigger your old behaviors. For example, if you habitually eat junk food when you’re feeling isolated and lonely on weekends, schedule some weekend social activities to bypass the old trigger.

Lack of energy. Take good care of yourself. A lack of energy typically relates to a failure to sustain your inner support system, which provides the physical, emotional, and mental energy needed to achieve your goals. If you’re eating poorly, neglecting your health, or living a high-stress lifestyle, you’re depleting your inner resources. That will make it difficult to maintain the energy you need to participate fully and actively in your life.

Lack of motivation. If you don’t have a loving and caring relationship with yourself, it’s hard to feel motivated to take action and make good choices for yourself. Building and sustaining a healthy, loving relationship with yourself is absolutely crucial to personal transformation. Loving yourself compels you to make lifestyle choices that make you feel good and that will generate the new results that you want.

WANT TO USE THIS ARTICLE IN YOUR E-ZINE, BLOG, OR WEB SITE?
You can, as long as you include this complete statement at the end of the article:

© 2011 Lauren Mackler

Lauren Mackler is a world-renowned coach and author of the international bestseller Solemate: Master the Art of Aloneness & Transform Your Life. Sign up for her free Live Boldly e-newsletter at www.laurenmackler.com.

World-renowned coach and bestselling author of Solemate: Master the Art of Aloneness & Transform Your Life, Lauren Mackler, presents her groundbreaking workshop to help you achieve mastery of your own life, and greater wholeness and well-being on your own or in a relationship. For info and registration, click here.