College Prep 101
Posted by Lauren - 08/18/11 at 01:08:38 pmLauren Mackler, coach and bestselling author of “Solemate: Master the Art of Aloneness & Transform Your Life,” has advice for people gearing up for returning to school this fall.
“It’s not unusual for people to feel apprehensive, nervous or even fearful about the start of a new school year,” she said. “Returning to school involves meeting new people, gaining new knowledge and skills, and perhaps even a new school and academic environment.” Mackler said students need to exude confidence and feel like they can do it. “If you are walking around fearful, you give off insecure kind of energy that is not compelling to people,” she said…To read the entire article in the Boston Herald, click here.
Get into Your Uncomfy Zone
Posted by Lauren - 08/18/11 at 12:08:48 pm
Facing the great unknown? Here’s some help.
Many of us never leave our comfort zones unless we’re forced to. So when we’re confronted with a major change in life, our routine is broken and we’re plunged into unknown waters. However, such upheavals can result in unexpected positive outcomes. “By going outside your comfort zone, you’re gaining new experiences, meeting new people, gaining new knowledge and skills, and strengthening different parts of yourself,” says Lauren Mackler, life coach and author of Solemate (Hay House)… To read the entire article on Body + Soul, click here.
The Power of Poetry
Posted by Lauren - 06/28/11 at 07:06:31 amWhen I was 13 and going through a time of great turmoil and rebellion, reading and writing poetry provided a life-saving emotional outlet and sense of comfort. I’ve continued to love poetry throughout my life so I was thrilled to discover and support Sandi Lovrecic’s beautiful new book, the World of Miracles. I LOVE her message: the greatest love and gifts are found within! You can find this inspiring book by clicking here.
Wholeness as a Way of Life
Posted by Lauren - 06/15/11 at 07:06:52 amAs many of you know, the foundation of my Illumineering Coaching work, workshops, and Solemate: Master the Art of Aloneness & Transform Your Life book is all about becoming whole—reclaiming and liberating your potential and living the personal and professional life to which you aspire. So I’m especially thrilled to share with you Carmen Harra’s new release, Wholeliness, a beautiful book about wholeness and living in harmony with all that exists.
I’ve long believed that reclaiming the innate wholeness with which each of us are born is a critical prerequisite for living a healthy, purposeful, and joyful life. And toward that end, I often recommend books that promote personal transformation. But as a long-time advocate and teacher of human wholeness, I’m especially thrilled to recommend and support the release of Carmen’s beautiful new book. To order, click here.
Demystifying Sex Addiction
Posted by Lauren - 06/14/11 at 01:06:36 pm
It’s disheartening to me that so many people fail to view sex addiction as a SYMPTOM of much deeper issues. All addictions are misguided attempts to manage “pain” (self-loathing, anxiety, anger, etc.). Unless you address the roots of people’s pain, treatment won’t be effective. To read my interview with CNN about Anthony Weiner and sex addiction, click here.
Lauren Recommends: Gr8ful for You
Posted by Lauren - 06/14/11 at 09:06:22 ami am gr8ful for you by Kim Serafini
This is a little book that will play a HUGE role for emotional healing to take place for millions of people as we all say THANK YOU to the people that have touched us, helped us, and supported us. Click here to get a sample chapter of i am gr8ful for you so you can experience it for yourself!
Lauren Recommends: Before You Stress Out!
Posted by Lauren - 06/07/11 at 09:06:06 am99 Things You Wish You Knew Before Stressing Out! by Lauren E. Miller
In 99 Things You Wish You Knew Before Stressing Out, author Lauren Miller integrates 18 years of studying stress management with her own experience of facing cancer and divorce at the same time. This book is packed with valuable, easy-to-use information and the essential tools needed to maintain inner peace in the midst of life’s crises, challenges, and everyday stress. Order today and receive bonus gifts from me and many other authors!
Getting Unstuck – Huffington Post
Posted by Lauren - 05/31/11 at 03:05:07 pm
Do you dream of changing your life but feel stuck in your status quo? If so, read my article in the Huffington Post to help you get unstuck! To read the article, click here.
Lauren Recommends: The Laws of Superheroes
Posted by Lauren - 05/31/11 at 10:05:41 am
The Seven Spiritual Laws of Superheroes by Deepak Chopra
We live in turbulent times and what’s happening globally is also occurring in our lives, our relationships, and in our selves. Best-selling author Deepak Chopra’s intriguing new book, The Seven Spiritual Laws of Superheroes, connects the dots between ancient wisdom traditions and the costumed superheroes of today. He explores what we can learn from the superhero archetype and how to become your own “superhero” as a pathway to greater joy, courage, creativity, and purpose. Order today and receive free bonus gifts from me and other leading thought leaders!
The Art of Ex-Etiquette
Posted by Lauren - 05/26/11 at 04:05:44 amLauren’s Interview with Psychologies Magazine
PM: When is the right time or when are you in the right place to resume a relationship with your ex?
LM: If you are parents, it’s in your children’s best interest to co-parent in a civil and mutually-respectful manner. Divorce is always painful. When one parent demeans the other in front of the children it creates life-long, emotional and psychological wounds. If need be, seek out a therapist, mediator, or coach to help you devise a co-parenting plan and develop effective communication and conflict management skills. Ask yourself, “What’s more important—my anger and resentment or the health and well-being of my children?”
When one person still has romantic feelings or the desire to get back together as a couple and their ex doesn’t feel the same, friendship doesn’t work. The one longing to be a couple continuously feels rejected, which invokes feelings of guilt, frustration, and/or resentment in the other.
By the end of a relationship, many couples have become ‘intimate enemies’ and don’t even like the other person, let alone love them. There has to be a foundation of mutual respect, shared values, and appreciation of the other person. These are important in any friendship, but especially so when transitioning from a partnership to a friendship.
PM: Is it important to examine your motives for wanting to stay friends; for example, guilt, wanting to get back together, trying to make someone jealous, or the inability to let go? What sort of good motives are there for wanting to stay friends? Is it important that your motives and expectations are the same?
LM: Hidden agendas such as financial or material gain, fear of being alone, appearing desirable to others, or relieving guilt ultimately contaminate the friendship. When someone uses another person for their own gain, sooner or later the person being used becomes resentful and the relationship implodes. There has to be shared mutual benefit. These can include enjoying a close and supportive friendship with someone you care about and who cares about you, maintaining a shared social circle, or for ex’s who work together, being able to have a positive relationship at work.
PM: What should you do if when you’re together, your old feelings are reignited and you begin to want more than friendship? Should you back off and re-evaluate? Does this mean you may not be ready for friendship?
LM: Take the time to examine your feelings and what’s driving them. Are you missing the person or just your life as a couple? If it’s the latter, it’s time to learn how to live life on your own. If you find that you still have romantic feelings or you want to get back together, express how you feel to your ex to see how he or she is feeling. If they don’t feel the same and your feelings are creating more pain than joy in the relationship, let your ex know you need some distance and do the inner work to help you move on.
PM: What about sex? It’s not really an uncommon scenario! One of you is feeling raw, the other one comforts you, and you end up in bed. Is this something to be avoided at all costs in relationships which really are over, where at least from one side, there is no chance of reconciliation? Should there be other rules like no flirting, hand-holding, or spontaneous returns to intimate behavior? Or is it okay to do all this and throw out the rule book?
LM: It depends on the boundaries to which you’ve both agreed. There’s no right or wrong here, it’s what works for both people. The key is to keep the communication alive and keep checking in with your own feelings and to those of your ex. It’s important, however, to understand that once you’re back in bed together, the relationship is again a romantic, sexual relationship and not a platonic friendship. So how you both want to go forward needs to be discussed and negotiated once again.
PM: What about emotional boundaries? How close is too close? Is it important to keep the relationship free from emotional entanglement? Is it advisable not to lean on each other for emotional support, and spare each other the details of new relationships? Should you build another support network rather than with your ex—even if he or she was once the first person you’d turn to when you were down?
LM: In or out of a relationship, it’s important to develop your own self-sufficiency and independence, including having your own friends and support system. Your ex can be part of your support system, but being emotionally dependent on someone else is always a recipe for disaster.
Like with sex, emotional boundaries need to be communicated. Discuss how much contact and support you both want with and from each other. If there’s a disparity, work to find middle ground that will work for both of you. Talk about how you want to handle new people in your life. Some people are comfortable knowing all about their ex’s latest date, while others may not be ready to hear it.
PM: What about new partners? How much should they be expected to take? What if your new partner and ex don’t get along? What if your new partner tells you in plainest terms that he doesn’t like you seeing your ex? Do you think we are sometimes prone to a little game playing with our ex’s, using them to make new partners jealous, or using new partners to make our ex’s jealous?
LM: Introducing a new person into the equation can work if the two ex’s have established and maintained a healthy, platonic friendship over an extended period of time following their romantic break-up. In other words, they are truly just friends, and have had a friends-only relationship for a consistent length of time. If you broke up with your ex a month ago, it’s probably not going to work to bring him into your new relationship because you haven’t had time to solidify a new friendship-only relationship.
If you’ve actively shared a healthy, platonic friendship with your ex for a year or more since the break-up, give the new person in your life the opportunity to meet your ex, so she can be reassured that you’re truly just friends. If you’ve included your new lover in your friendship with your ex and they don’t click, respect their feelings and participate in the friendship with your ex on your own. In this situation, if your lover demands that you cut your ex out of your life, pay attention to this red flag. You may be dealing with someone who is insecure or emotionally immature.
PM: What do you think a healthy relationship with an ex would be?
LM: A mutually respectful and supportive relationship in which both parties genuinely enjoy each other’s company, but have a shared desire to be nothing more than friends.
WANT TO USE THIS INTERVIEW IN YOUR E-ZINE, BLOG, OR WEB SITE? You can, as long as you include this complete statement at the end of the article:
Lauren Mackler is a world-renowned coach, host of the LIFE KEYS radio show, and author of the international bestseller, Solemate: Master the Art of Aloneness & Transform Your Life. www.laurenmackler.com
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